dieting and why it will drive you spare

Without making a huge deal about it, my darling husband and I have been trying to lose weight this year. I started a long while ago, but he has more than caught up and passed me. Men!

So I'm cranky, starving, and self-critical a lot these days. I'm totally overwhelmed that as I've gotten older, I'm hungry all the time. I mean ALL THE TIME. I even eat breakfast now and again. My younger self could go for days without eating. Literally. I used to diet by fasting for two or three days. It was a little difficult, but nothing like this. It frustrates me to have to adapt to something I didn't think would be an issue.

The positive surprise is that I'm exercising every day, monday-friday for an hour. And I never give myself permission to skip. Ever. I missed last Monday because I was in the car, but I had been swimming for exercise the day before. This astonishes me almost as much as being hungry all the time. I've never ever stuck with exercising for longer than 2 months before. I started this on November 4. Still going strong.

But the most frustrating aspect of dieting is the scales. It's like the number comes randomly out of the air. It can be one you've seen before, one you haven't seen for some time, one you see day after day after day after day. This morning I was particularly disgusted with myself for my eating this weekend. I've been incredibly cavalier about making food and drink choices. I'd lost a pound this morning. I don't get it. When I really feel I've been on top of everything, I gain pounds. When I don't, I lose.

I have lost the weight I intended to when I started. But 10 more looks really good. I am consoled by not weighing what I weighed when I was pregnant with Brendan. I still weigh about what I weighed pregnant with Aaron. Boo hiss.

And so it goes. I know I'll do better this week. Or not.

Poetry

I had the oddest literary moment today. I am now in awe of my memory which works in most peculiar ways.

I was sitting at this computer this morning, waking up. I had my coffee, my iphone, my solitaire game. This constitutes waking up for probably a half hour every morning. Usually I'm planning my day and having other mundane thoughts. I am not ever quoting poetry or thinking of anything one could call literary. If anything echoes in my mind, it's some top 40 song or since I've just been with my grandchildren, the songs from Blue's Clues. That's all my mind is usually up to before caffeine.

Suddenly, the line "Lay your sleeping head, my love" came floating into my brain. Immediately I grasped, half asleep, that this was not Blue's Clues. But it eluded me who had written this. I was awake enough to know I'd heard it before and didn't think I'd come up with it on my own.

Well, Google was my friend today and told me this indeed was Auden. Strange I thought since I'm not that fond of Auden because he's not a 19th century poet or Shakespeare. I would have sworn that I only had bits of memorized verse running about in my head from the 19th century and Shakespeare. It's not something I usually memorize. But wait it gets stranger.

So my brain did know the title and first line since of course they are one and the same. Ok, not that unusual. Basically that means I've heard of the poem. But what made this come into my head at all, first thing in the morning? This is odd for me. I needed to find this poem and read it to figure out where my brain was going with this.

Luckily my Modern British Poetry was right beside the desk. Here comes the weird part. I read the poem and noticed the third and fourth lines "Time and fevers burn away/ Individual beauty from/. This had been a quote in the book I was reading yesterday. My brain stored it away and kept working at figuring out where it came from. I would have told you that I didn't know this poem enough for the third and fourth lines to be imprinted on my memory. I don't think I could have quoted the poem through the first four lines. But somewhere in my head, they are there.

So a weird but nice beginning to the day. Nothing like a search for a poem to set you up for a day of racing and basketball. And to affirm that not everything from graduate school has leaked out.

Erin Go Brach

It's my favorite holiday--St. Patrick's Day. I'm gonna celebrate with some corned beef and cabbage. No Guinness, however. I only like Guinness on tap. And I'm not going out.

Looking at the brown in my yard makes me miss the Emerald Isle. It really is emerald. It's green everywhere. It positively shimmers. Could be all the rain. On them it looks good.

I am casting about for a new home page. I know that I'm a throwback, keeping my home page up all the time, but somehow that helps me maneuver the internet better. Don't ask.

Anyway, I'm open for suggestions. I don't want my blog. I don't like to re-read my writing except to edit it. I hate to hear my voice on something that is recorded. So Me is out.

I also need a page with less busy-ness than most pages have. My computer is no spring chicken anymore, so I don't want to wait for flash to load and ads. Tempus definitely fugit when waiting for these to load.

No other news from me. Still having withdrawal from a weekend with my grandchildren. Now that's what I need for a home page--Boo and Mouse all the time. Erin go brach.

awards from the recent trip

I have a few awards to hand out from our recent slog to and from Florida. 11 states in 8 days. It was er um interesting.

Most irritatingly ineffectual: the airlines. We drove because neither of us could face the prospect of being herded like cattle, missing connections, and starving. I'm not afraid of the airplane falling out of the sky. I'm afraid of it not getting there to begin with.

Worst traffic: St. Louis. Hands down. We drove through many urban areas on our quest to see the earth instead of snow, but this was the worst traffic we encountered. And it was Saturday morning. God knows what it is like during rush hour.

Best hotel staff: Fairfield Inn, Olive Branch, MS. Wow. From the recommendation for dinner to the new pot of coffee at breakfast, they never missed a trick. Very nice.

Worst weather: Iowa and Illinois--a dead heat. Hazy, snowy, rainy, icy. Yuk.

Best weather: Nashville and Tallahassee. Eating outside. Outside! I'm still not quite clear why we came back.

Most changed location: Jackson, MS We used to live there, but I saw not one thing I recognized. Nothing.

Least changed location: Eastern Arkansas. All of it.

Best food find: Dimitris in Columbus, IN. Huge platter of gyros. It made our tummies happy.

Biggest disappointment: Not seeing Art. He was on assignment. It was too bad.

Most interesting new acquaintances: Abby and Jasmine, the lab and German shepherd. Those girls are nuts, but they kept us company all day.

It was a lovely trip. Now let's have us some spring.