Rewarding bad behavior

This is going to be a venting my spleen sort of entry. I'm feeling quite put upon, and I probably won't mean anything I actually say. But this reaction I'm having right now usually leads to no more ms nice guy on my part.

I'm tired of the squeaky wheel getting oiled. I'm tired of passive-aggressive behavior working. I'm tired of having to make a scene to get rewarded.

I was mostly raised by my grandmother. At least I only took the things she said to heart. She was genteel and ladylike in ways that pass understanding. I never heard her say negative things about anyone--not her son-in-law who couldn't handle money to save himself. Not her daughter-in-law who held up her son for money during both the marriage and the divorce. Not even my mother who committed suicide. She gave the wastrel son-in-law money, the divorced son a home, and stepped in on the things she thought I was missing. She was a magnificent lady.

I want to be as gentle and benevolent as she was. But I just can't. I feel robbed when I'm the generous parent who always has to give up my time with my kids for people who suck at life. Or maybe I suck at life for not instilling a little bit more guilt into my children.

I feel robbed when my children struggle because they have been taught to behave. No one takes notice when they struggle because they don't disrupt a classroom. Maybe I suck at life for not letting them be as demanding and selfish as their classmates.

I feel appalled when self-promotion works better than actual ability or intelligence. I hate how shallow the world has become. I have commiserated with people who are pressured to self-promote more and can't find it in themselves to do it. Or do it grudgingly just to keep up.

I feel demeaned and tawdry when my husband has to scream over the phone to get internet service installed. It gets results, but offends my sensiblities. But I've gotten the attention I needed so maybe I need to lose the sensibilities.

But mostly, I just want all of you to stop rewarding bad behavior. If someone pulls passive aggressive bullshit on you, call them on it. Do not give them what they want until the behavior changes. This is a simple child-rearing principle. Sometimes it means putting your fingers in your ears and going la lalalalala, I can't hear you. But it works. Pavlov was correct. You can extinguish behavior by not rewarding it. And you continue it by giving in.