Menopause

First of all it's not funny.  I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Menopause the musical comedy being advertised.  Comedy?  This isn't comedy.  I wouldn't wish this on well wait there are a few people I might wish this on.  Most of them male.

There is a poignant irony about how things change.  I used to hold my breath to be sure that another period was coming and not another child.  I wanted it to come to reassure me that I wasn't pregnant.  Again.  Now I would do lots of things just to get a break from my period.  Any break.  Just skip one.  Just go away.

And I think when you notice your own mood swings that this is real trouble.  Mostly you think it's someone else when you start perceiving the world differently.  Nope I know it's some hormone rush from somewhere.  I'd just like it to stop.

For the squeamish, this is a warning.  Turn away now.

The periods themselves are from hell.  I used to be able to almost ignore the fact that I had a period.  No cramps, no real excessive bleeding.  Just a gentle little thing.  Maybe every 30 days, maybe 45.  No bigs.

Now I cramp so much it wakes me up.  But that's ok because i have to check the bleeding every 45 minutes to an hour anyway, so I shouldn't be sleeping in the middle of the deluge anyway.  I am hesitant to go out of the house for fear I'll flow all over.  

And the fact that people having this invasion are not spring chickens makes all this too much fun.  I'm really not at my best at 2 in the morning having to do a minor clean up in aisle 4 since I slept more than I should have (more than an hour at a time).  I kinda forget where things are and why I'm awake and who else is in the house.  I'm too old for this shit, in other words.

I could go on, but I keep promising to find something to say that makes me happy.  I really do have more on my mind than ranting at the world.  Oh wait.  What would my heroes Diana Trent and Slappy the Squirrel think of me?